My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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