My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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