She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
