To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
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Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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