I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize