Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
