Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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