I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
