I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
