Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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