It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
