Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
