woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
