So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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