Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
