I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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