He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
