i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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