i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
third nipple confirmed
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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