Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
