wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
