you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
