real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
