Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me that man meat
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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