he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
