you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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