One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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