he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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