Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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