last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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