3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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