I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
