You just made me feel so damn special
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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