Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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