I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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