Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
