I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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