The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
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road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
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I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
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