I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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