Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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