look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
