dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
