He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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