She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
