Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize