And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
