Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
