On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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