the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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