Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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