how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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