Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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