I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
