Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
