so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
