i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
