the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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