the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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