is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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