I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize
