y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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