My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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