dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
