Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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