so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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