I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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