You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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