the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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