sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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