I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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