I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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