Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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